ModernMath

If the meek geeks truly shall inherit the Earth, then March 6 may just be the day they receive payment. That's because the gushing fandom surrounding Zack Snyder's adaptation of Watchmen will finally wash into movie theaters, generating untold millions of bucks for Hollywood and proving definitively that we nerds and our canon of source material are the ultimate box-office gold (which is basically the same thing as being handed control of the planet).

But before everyone's perspective is obscured by the enormous stacks of opening-weekend Benjamins, it's probably worth considering fairly, one more time, the argument set forth by the Watchmen comic's co-creator, Alan Moore, that the story is essentially unfilmable.

In other words, My Chemical Romance cover or not, was this really a good idea? If we could turn back the clock, would we still want this?

For the uninitiated, here's a quick bit of background: the graphic novel centers on a cadre of ex-superheroes who regroup to try to solve the murder of one of their brethren. But interspered throughout the comic are fictional documents 'created' by the characters, as well as a whole separate comic-within-a-comic spinning a morbid pirate narrative. So... it's complicated.

Though the studio has tried to portray the movie as a painstakingly detailed adaptation, Zack Snyder, the film's director, has already conceded that, to keep the film to a breezy two hours and forty minutes, he had to revise the story considerably -- including (spoiler alert) a key death scene and the squid-tastic original ending, in addition to a variety of (serious spoiler alert) other details. (And yes, he pulled out the pirate story, Tales of the Black Freighter, as a separate animated mini-movie, which may yet prove to be a good idea).

It's hard to judge Snyder's work until we see for ourselves, but this early review from Hollywood Elsewhere suggests that Watchmen may well have been too much for conventional moviemaking to handle.

"The rest of Watchmen basically alternates between campy silliness and 2nd-rate comic book melodrama. At some points on the level of live-action Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I assume Snyder was trying to hit that sweet spot of surrealism that accompanies the alternate 1985 reality of the graphic novel, but the kindest thing I can call it is a kind of tragedy/campy combo."

But the other aspect of this that's strange, to say the least, is the crush of Watchmen merch that's already showing up everywhere. If this whole moviemaking affair is really infused with respect for the original graphic novel, then doesn't the onslaught of tie-ins and toys seem kind of crass? This morning I received an Amazon alert inviting me to sample freakin' "Nite Owl Dark Roast" coffee. And frankly, hard-core Watchmen fans might as well have some, because the hyper-commercialization of the story is likely to keep them up at night.

Here's where you'll pour that coffee:




Here's how you'll eat your lunch:




And here's how you'll cover your face as you wallow in shame afterward.



In the closing days before Watchmen strikes, it's certainly starting to look like the Hollywood machinery has managed to turn a piece of art into just another popcorn movie. No one's calling for a boycott of the movie, at least not yet. It's just, we inherit the culture (and the Earth) we create.

Nicole Anderson channels her inner golden girl as she arrives on the purple carpet premiere of Jonas Brothers: 3D Concert Experience held at the El Capitan Theater in Los Angeles on Tuesday night.

The JONAS leading lady looked glamourous in a yellow Nicole Miller Stretch Charmeuse dress. She accessorized with red bow Nina heels and a matching red clutch.

Nicole stars as Macy Misa in the upcoming Disney Channel series, JONAS, premiering in May.

More deets over at Jared Jr.

We guess this is growing up. As tipped here, the boys of Blink ambled out onto the Grammy stage on Sunday (to a sonic blast of applause), and made clear that after four years of estrangement, they have reconciled and stand ready to rock once more. We can't believe it either.

 

If we know anything here at the tail end of 2008, it's that everyone better be saving some bucks to weather the long winter ahead. Or, if you're a musician, you can prepare by earning a little extra cheddar through the licensing of your music to commercials, movie trailers and the like. Critics may cry "sellout," but the fact is that plenty of good music now reaches fans' ears first and foremost through ads (as opposed to radio or MTV, which—oh, yeah—canceled TRL, its ersatz music-video showcase, this year). Besides, I happen to think that matching the right music with the right imagery in an ad is sort of art form unto itself. See if you agree: Here's a list of some of my favorites of 08. —Jeff Leeds, Buzznet Editor-in-Chief, modernmath

10. "What is Love" by HADDAWAY, licensed by Diet Pepsi

It's certainly possible this ad flew over the heads of very young (or very old) viewers when it aired during the Super Bowl, but those of us that recall "A Night at the Roxbury"-era SNL could only chuckle. Diet Pepsi went to the trouble of booking Missy Elliott, Troy Aikman and other celebs, but the only star they needed was the last one to appear (I won't spoil it for anyone who somehow missed this ad the first time around). Great song, great punchline.

9. "Killing the Blues" by ROBERT PLANT and ALISON KRAUSS, licensed by J.C. Penney

I have to confess I didn't really think the collaboration between Robert Plant and Alison Krauss was that spectacular when I heard it. I know that puts me in the minority among most of my music-snob friends. Don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of both artists, but I didn't see that there was a natural pairing there. Anyway, it has come to this: J.C. Penney has shown me the light. By linking Plant and Krauss' cover of Rowland Salley's "Killing the Blues" to a montage of homey, nostalgic Americana in this spot for their American Living line, they created a sweet ad without veering into schmaltz.

8. "Regret" by WYE OAK, licensed by Hewlett Packard

A simple ad backed by a pretty simple and perhaps underappreciated song, Wye Oak's "Regret." Made me think differently about my old PC.

7. "My Drive Thru" by PHARRELL, SANTOGOLD and JULIAN CASABLANCAS, licensed by Converse

There's not too much to like about the song (which was offered as a free download in a tie-in with Converse's ad campaign), but the paper cut-out graphics work—they underscore the raw, street-smart vibe that Converse tries to attach to its Chuck Taylor line. And hey, it's got Santogold, so that should make up for the appearance of whichever of her two cohorts you find more annoying.

6. "Just Like Honey" by JESUS & MARY CHAIN, licensed by Hugo Boss

It might seem like Hugo Boss is cheating by using such a classic song, but they had the good sense to make the ad itself—for Femme perfume—look respectable. Note the way that spray of perfume hits just as the guitar strikes a chord. The song expresses something at the intersection of budding romance and bittersweet memories. Perfect, it seems to me, for a perfume ad. Oh, you thought Sofia Coppola had a monopoly on them?

5. "Paper Planes" by M.I.A., licensed by Sony Pictures

You'd have to look to an Apple ad if you wanted to find a better example of a commercial or trailer introducing (or in this case, re-introducing) a song to a mass audience. M.I.A.'s latest album was basically headed nowhere when Sony licensed this track for the trailer for Pineapple Express, the pot-themed buddy flick starring Seth Rogen and James Franco. Somehow the mixture of gunfire and a singalong chorus made for a magic formula, and the rest is history. "Paper Planes" is up for Record of the Year at next year's Grammy Awards. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

4. "February Air" by LIGHTS, licensed by Old Navy

Old Navy decided to use this pixie's work as the soundtrack for a series of vignettes, and now she's the latest Next Big Thing, or at least one of them. True, we've seen more than a few slightly breathy, coffeehouse-friendly singers come down the pike lately, (Ingrid Michaelson, Colbie Callait, etc), but Lights' music fits snugly in this ad, partly because it's wrapped up with cheery, well-crafted images that function as advertising performance fleece.

3. "List of Demands" by SAUL WILLIAMS, licensed by Nike

You know from the second the music starts in this commercial that s#%t is about to get crazy. Saul Williams sings like he's losing control while the screen fills with a sequence of images that appear alternately menacing and inspiring. You see a runner lined up in competition with a green hot rod. You see a ball falling into a pool. I have no idea why there is a frog jumping at the 0:48 mark. But I like it. I walk away from this ad feeling shaken awake—that's how I know it's good.

2. "Hypnotize" by THE NOTORIOUS B.I.G., licensed by Fox Searchlight

There was a careful eye at work in the creation of this trailer for the upcoming Notorious B.I.G. biopic. Cool touches abound, like those black-and-white shots of Biggie in pinstripes as the piano plays in the background. But it's the unmistakable bounce of "Hypnotize," paired up with gritty images of his life as a youngster on the streets, that really command attention. The trailer provides a reminder of the too-fast, too-brief roller coaster that was his life—and the characters who populated it—and, really, I'm not sure what song could've helped tell the tale any better.

1. "What I'm Looking For" by BRENDAN BENSON, licensed by Apple

It will comes as little surprise that Apple takes the cake as the savviest user of music in a commercial, though the ad that proves it isn't the one featuring Chairlift. Instead, it's this little gem of an ad, showcasing the iPod Touch and the music of the criminally under-appreciated Brendan Benson (beyond his solo work, he's in the Raconteurs with a big-name rock star. Jack something-or-other). Apple picked a perfect song to express the whimsy of their product even while showing it to be a powerful tool. Bottom line: No one does it better.

Hey, look, let's face the music. December can turn a little cold and bleak no matter how many chestnuts you roast (oh keep that punchline to yourself) and even if you've been nice all year (you know, to compensate for your unforgivably naughty 07). So we, um, have an idea for a way to lighten your heart for the holidays. It's a sweet little dream we call RAWK. No less than Escape the Fate are going on tour. And do you know who's already in line? SANTA.

What?!?! Is Britney trying to front? She's competing for Video of the Year at Fuse against... Paramore!! Who knew the contest would come down to two of the most compelling female (!) figures in pop and rock? We're still days away from the show and the fur has begun flying, y'all. Look who thinks Brit's just being greedy!

Hey, we understand. You may well be burdened with family obligations and nervously clinging to the sweet remnants of your tryptophan haze. But we're compelled to remind you: the deadline to participate in our mondo package of All-American Rejects stuff is coming up fast, and if you've been waiting, you best, uh... move along? (Yep, we said it). We're psyched by what we've seen so far, but we're just heartless enough to crave more. We KNOW you've got a story about how you gave someone hell -- how you exacted your wicked revenge on a deserving soul. You've had your turkey, now tell us how you served up some just desserts!! (All of this, of course, is inspired by the Rejects' new song, "Gives You Hell.") The deets.

And down the stretch they come!! Yes, it's time for the final piece in our upcoming 'Twilight' special. Last week, we alternately blushed and wept while reading your contributions for the VAMP DATE and FRESH MEAT writing project. And now we just have one more thing to do!! Haz u ready? Here are the deets: after passing through certain Buzznet photo galleries, we got the feeling that some of you enjoy adding a little kitty flava to your photos with LOLcats, or macros, those cute little captions that reveal the inner -- and SO ADORABLE -- truth of the picture. In anticipation of Twilight, we're putting together our own little gallery of them -- not just kitty photos, but ANY vampire-themed photo you've got. (We were going to call them Dracros -- get it?? -- but we're going with LOLVAMPs). Details...

You know how they say time flies when you're having fun? We agree, and we're pretty sure it flies with big black leathery vampire-bat wings. You know what we're getting at? Yeah, we thought so. Twilight opens in just over two weeks in all its pale-skinned, golden-eyed, bloodlusty glory, and we're trying to be prepared, people. That's why we're saying, the time to put pen to paper and bang out your story is N-O-W. Are you writing about your experience of serving as FRESH MEAT or your (presumably) fictional VAMP DATE? Tell us.

It was, technically, history in the making. True to their word, Fall Out Boy's Pete Wentz and Patrick Stump undertook a grueling effort that only David Blaine could love—to break the Guinness World Record for the most interviews conducted by a pair in a 24-hour period. Imagine: Hour after hour after hour of trying to summon witty comments and chatty banter with, of all people, radio DJ's. (No offense, but not where we'd go for stimulating convo.) Doesn't really sound like it'd be fun by the 6th one, let alone the 60th, does it? Here's one thing we know: if anyone had the God-given talent necessary to take schmoozing to the next level, it's The Wentz. And guess what? They couldn't have done it without Buzznet. Literally.

UPDATED 10/31/08 @1:30 PM OMG EVEN MORE?!?!?!?

Ok, so you're sitting there carb-loading on candy corn and thinking, "I am fully surrounded by Halloween. I could not possibly digest any more information about Halloween." But you haven't even STARTED, because now you get the Buzznet ZOMG Compendium of Next-Level Halloween Madness, a rundown of the coolest tricks and treats in the history of the holiday, or, you know, since they stopped burning people at the stake. Whatevs. Have you seen this...?